Career Management Alliance Blog

One of my pet topics, appearing at the intersection of personal psychology and work success, is the complex of “people skills” or interpersonal competencies that distinguish the natural leaders from others.  I often find myself stressing with my corporate clients “the little things” of communication and interaction that we’d be sure to observe at home or with friends but somehow tend to fall off our screen when navigating the deadlines and details at work.

Bud Billanich, at FastCompany.com, lays down three simple principles that will strengthen your people skills, whatever your level of competence:

• don’t assume you’re ever finished with knowing yourself
• continue building mutually supportive and beneficial relationships in all aspects of your life
• become increasingly proficient at navigating conflict

I like this list, and I’d add a fourth principle:

• Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

There’s nothing more disruptive to successful communication than when the spoken words aren’t congruent with  the gestures or facial expressions that accompany them.  Any of you who have children or animals in your life know what happens when you make a request or give an instruction that you’re not fully behind.  It usually gets ignored! Adults are no different, even if it doesn’t show so readily.

So it’s best not to let mixed feelings leak into your communication.  If you have mixed feelings, or are trying to hedge your bets about what you’re about to say, stop and think it through.  Find a way to phrase it that you can stand behind.  You’ll find 90% of your interactions go more smoothly when people trust that what you say is what you mean, even when it isn’t easy to hear.

Nina Ham, CPCC, LCSW

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The scenario: A warm referral lands you face-to-face interviewing with the human resources representative for a Fortune 100, employee friendly company. You are ecstatic and hopeful. You ace the interview and accelerate through a day of employment screening tests, including drug testing, qualifying you for the final interviewing phase with a 3-person senior manager group tasked with a final hiring decision.

At the final interview’s conclusion, you get that sinking feeling you didn’t sail through to achieve new-hire status, despite having successfully strode through the prior 8 hours’ of screening. What went wrong?

This scenario depicts my experience in my greener years, as a 20-something recent college grad who did not know better and who “talked too much in the interview.”

Thankfully, my friend who had referred me to the interview gleaned feedback. The manager who cut me from the running said I had talked too much. Ouch! And in retrospect, nearly 20 years later, I also realize that not only did I talk too much, but my responses were not tailored to ‘their’ needs.

Instead, I addressed their questions literally, and in lieu of of selling my background as solutions to their pain, I built frustration with my lack of relevancy. For example, they asked: “What was your favorite college class, and why?” I recall rambling on about the class that made me feel most warm and fuzzy versus thinking strategically as to why the interviewer posed the question and how I could — succinctly — draw upon my knowledge of the company’s needs to target my response.

An excellent Wall Street Journal article written by Joann S. Lublin and titled, “Talking Too Much in a Job Interview May Kill Your Chance” further illuminates why oversharing in an interview may be lethal. This article also offers methods to “steer clear of verbosity during a job hunt” including such tips as, “Prepare short statements on how your background matches the job. Rehearse,” and “Watch the interviewer’s body language for hints that your answers are getting boring.” Click here to read that article.

Posted by: Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter

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Sometimes it’s hard to tell how well a person did on an interview and job seekers are often very hard on themselves when evaluating their interview performance. According to an article in U.S. News & World Report, signs that the interview went well include:

• an interview session that lasts longer than you anticipated 
• clear communication from the interviewer on next steps in the hiring process
• an eagerness to answer all your questions
• questions about your future availability
• an office tour
• a round of calls to your references

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Thanks to the Internet, the interviewer’s first impression of you might be auditory.

Because you’re always on your best behavior in face-to-face interviews, it’s natural to be sensitive to how you come across verbally. You have non-verbal clues to help you judge how well you’re offering value.

Speaking is such a central part of every interview; you just can’t imagine delegating it to someone else…or worse yet, a robot.

Yet there is a robot lurking in your voice mail. Since interviewers are busy people who were hoping to speak with a person (you), that distinctive voice mail sound may be a strike against you. But it doesn’t have to be.

Consider these tips to make your voice mail work in your favor. Listen to your outgoing phone message against these criteria:

• Is my message spoken clearly and slightly slower than the normal rate of speech?

• Have I provided my name in the outgoing message? (Giving just a phone number can distract the listener.)

• Is my message free from background noise (dogs barking, music, and the like?)

• Is there a long, unexplained gap between the end of your outgoing message and the beep that signals recording? If there is, please redo your outgoing message to prepare the listener.

• How much time does my voice mail allow for incoming messages? If the time is short, please ask your callers to leave “…a brief message.” If your system allows a generous amount of time, encourage people to leave “…a detailed message.” 

Special note: Do you have a privacy manager that automatically screens your calls? Be certain that you program the machine to recognize the name of the companies or people with whom you interview. When an employer calls, he or she will have little patience with being (inadvertently) cut off. 

One last tip: please tell your friends and family about the changes you’ve made to your outgoing messages. You wouldn’t want them to misinterpret the more business-like message they hear when they call.

Posted by Don Orlando

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Here’s a reprint from Lifehacker for the tech-savvy among us.

-Liz Sumner

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Recently, I was reminded of the power of assumptions. Making assumptions is a natural part of our everyday life. We expect certain things to go the way we have experienced them before. Assumptions also help us navigate daily situations – when you drive down a crossroad, you assume that other drivers will stop when they have a red light. Or, when you order something from a store, you assume that you will indeed receive your package. Those types of things.

But we’ve all experienced misunderstandings with other people based on inaccurate assumptions. You assumed the other person wasn’t interested in talking to you when she didn’t call you back for several days. Or your partner assumed you were making fun of him in a hurtful way when you were merely teasing him about one of his quirky habits.

In short: there is ample room for misinterpretation of communication. Worse, incorrect assumptions can lead to misjudgments. How many times have you made up your mind about someone only to find out later that you were totally off?

The problem with assumptions is that – most of the time – we are not aware we’re making them. Our brains are wired to fill in missing pieces of information and rationalize things it doesn’t understand.

So the situation that got me thinking about assumptions was when – of all things – I switched my cable package. For years I’d had the basic package that cost me about $20 a month. Although I liked the idea of being able to zap between more than some 160 TV stations, the $60 price tag that came with it wasn’t worth it to me.

After several years with the $20-cable package, assuming I had the best deal out there – while missing out on the wonders of orangutan procreation and other phenomena of the animal kingdom, 24/7 world news, and a host of reality series, I coincidentally found out my assumptions were incorrect. I was looking to bundle my Internet, cable, and phone services and when I spoke to the phone company, I learnt that I could have the exact same services, but with the addition of the round the clock TV excitement for $30 a month LESS than I was paying at that time!

In my practice, I encounter many job seekers who talk about wanting to change fields or jobs but are held back by trepidations. When I ask them about their hesitation, it often becomes clear that their reservations are simply assumptions, or what they call “limiting beliefs” and are not based on solid research or fact.

You may think that entry into a certain field requires experience you’re lacking. But do you know this for a fact? Job seekers often belief that the job market is too tight or the competition too stiff to accommodate the change they’re trying to make. But they haven’t even tried. Or they tried, but they used ineffective strategies – often without being aware that they’re setting themselves up for failure.

So what can you do to ensure you are not holding yourself back based on these limiting beliefs?

Most importantly: Perform research and talk to people in the field. The Internet is a great place to start, but don’t forget about the library where they have knowledgeable people working who are eager to help you find the information you’re looking for.

Don Orlando gives an excellent example of the importance of seeking out field knowledge in his latest blog. And don’t just speak to one person – speak to several: People currently performing the function you are interested in, someone with experience in recruiting and/or hiring for this type of position, and others that will be able to shed an insider’s view on your field of interest.

Moral of this story: Not only does it pay to challenge your beliefs, it is important to keep doing so over time. Information and “facts” change. What at one time used to be a “must-have” or a prerequisite, or a condition dictated by the economy can very well change later on. Keep talking to people and you might be surprised what you find out!

Posted by Ilona Vanderwoude

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No, I’m not referring to how you feel first thing Monday morning, nor to the feeling of sleepwalking through a job you’re bored with.  I’m using Marci Alboher’s term for people who work fully or partially from home and often feel overwhelmed by trying to establish a boundary between work time and personal or off-work time.

While working from home offers many conveniences and satisfactions, there are also endless temptations: to extend the work day; to interrupt personal or family time to send the forgotten email; or when fatigued to “rest” by surfing the web rather than take a real break.  Personally, I know I’m caught in the blur when I find myself eating at my desk or answering the siren call of my email inbox when I’ve signed off for the day.

One of many admonitions warning us about practices such as these comes from new brain physiology findings.  Two discoveries are particularly relevant.  1) Insights, or those creative “ah-ha’s” that can elevate our work from ordinary to extraordinary, tend to occur when the brain stops thinking, or when it’s at rest.  2) When an idea is accompanied by a sensation of pleasure it generates more “brain power” than when accompanied by a neutral or negative (e.g.fatigued or blurry) sensation.

So it behooves us to do what we can to place some markers around the time we dedicate to work. Here are a few suggestions culled from colleagues and online sources.

• Set an alarm for a 10-minute warning prior to ending a work session
• Keep to-do lists for personal and work items on separate colored paper
• Take a walk around the block at least once during your work day.  Physical activity helps clear up the blur!
• Plan your day in 30-minute segments.  Assign a time limit for each work task, and set a timer.  If you run over, at least you’ll do it consciously!
• Attach electric volts to your computer chair, set to fire at the designated end of your work day.  (Thanks to Gina Trapani, in her interview with M. Alboher)

Here’s a weekly column devoted to work life balance for people working at home.  For those of you wrestling with blurry work lives, what solutions have you found?  We’d love to hear your suggestions.

Nina Ham

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According to MSNBC, “Americans hate their jobs more than ever before in the past 20 years, with fewer than half saying they are satisfied.” Since the average American will spend, conservatively, 95,000 hours in the workplace, I want you to have some say as to whether that is a sentence or a reward.

Many people stumble into a career. Some because they followed well-intentioned advice of family members or friends. Others misinterpreted web resources like assessment instruments which purport to match you with the right field. As the numbers show, that approach fails much too often.

What can you do to improve the odds? While there’s no quick, universal fix, let me suggest a way to narrow the search. Your goal is to find the right career field for you – as you define “right.” The key is getting the right answer to this very penetrating question: What must I do in any career field to be acknowledged as the very best—by my boss, by my internal and external customers, by my peers, and by myself?

Too often, answers inadvertently miss the mark by a wide margin. Lists of traits don’t count. You are probably already a “hard working people-person with strong communication skills and a great work ethic.” Congratulations! Those are the minimum standards. Nobody would hire anybody who didn’t practice all those traits.Responsibilities don’t count either. It’s not what you are responsible for; it’s how you move your company and its customers forward.

Results get closer, but they miss the mark. I won’t hire you for things you did in the past. I will hire you if I think the way you got those results demonstrates skills I need to grow my organization. Think of the question this way: What could you see the very best in this field do that sets her apart?

Here’s a very basic example. Consider a recent college grad with a degree in criminal justice. He wants to be a cop. He dutifully checks announcements posted on metropolitan websites. They all read about the same. A cop must understand the law, know how to investigate crimes, interrogate suspects, use weapons and the like.  

Now suppose he sought out the best in law enforcement in the nation. These professionals are keynote speakers at major conferences. They write the articles and books. They are nearly revered in their industry. If our grad asked someone like that, and pushed hard, he will get the right answer.That right answer might look something like this: “If you are willing to lay down your life for your partner without hesitation, you’re a great cop! If you won’t—I will not ride with you. . .ever!”

Our grad will never see that on any announcement. He may not even hear it in an interview. But it’s critical to his career success.

Now our grad has a real sense of what’s required. He may be happy someone will do that kind of thing and it’s not him. He may think, “I guess I could do that.” That’s not the right answer because it describes coping with the work. If he thinks “That’s made for me! Turn me loose!” he’s demonstrating passion that will help him succeed in a lifetime career.

There’s obviously more to the search than this brief post described. But here’s the key point: you must ask the best in the industry and you must push beyond the initial answers you get. If you love what you must be seen doing in a given career field to be acknowledged as the best, you have a rewarding career in front of you. Anything else is decidedly second best.

Posted by Don Orlando

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Articles about interview preparation abound – and justifiably so; it pays to be prepared. You did your research on the company and the position, you delved into your professional background to make sure your special achievements, experiences, and personality traits are in the forefront of your mind, and you practiced verbalizing these.

So you had your interview and now you try to assess how it went, yet very little is written on this topic. This article may help. Found on the e-board of one of the professional careers organizations and written by Alison Green, it shares behavior on the part of the interviewer that might give you clues regarding his or her level of interest in your candidacy.

Enjoy!

Posted by Ilona Vanderwoude

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Recently I’ve been wondering about what successful women have in common with each other.  (Yes, this is about women.  I don’t know if these observations also fit for men.  Please comment and tell us what you think.) In particular, I’ve been wondering whether these women share particular mindsets, and if so, what they are.  So I’ve been conducting informal research on women who have accumulated considerable wealth as they’ve developed their careers or businesses.

I wanted answers to questions like: to what extent has building wealth been their central focus?  What was central, if not money?  What personal qualities or attitudes do they share? Not surprisingly,  these women do have similarities.  Here are some of them.

Strong sense of purpose.  Earning money was generally not their primary goal but a tool for achieving a larger purpose, such as contributing a product or service that would make the world a better place.

Befriended fear.  A number of women described encountering various types of fear: shyness, performance anxiety, fear of failure or perfectionism.   This surprised me.  I had imagined they were born minus the fear gene.  The quality they all shared, however, was that they didn’t let fear stop them.  Doing what they set out to do, or making the contribution they wanted to make, simply took priority over fear.

The answer to how is yes.  When these women recognized a good idea, they didn’t hesitate or put it off for a more suitable time.  Even when facing uncertainty about the “how”, they were bold in moving forward.  Followed the 80-20 Rule.  For the most part these women gave close attention to how they spent their resources – time and energy, as well as money – and regularly reviewed those decisions.  They seemed to live the principle that 20% of resources would produce 80% of the desired results, and they didn’t tolerate much slippage.

You may recognize, as I did, that none of these qualities is particularly esoteric or out of reach.  What seems to set these women apart is the intention and focus they devote to remaining “on purpose”.   Perhaps in hearing about them you’ll have found new possibilities for yourself as you seek to bring your best into the world.

Nina Ham

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